You love me, so I think you're kind of biased here, ahaha.
[ Not that she doesn't trust Minako's judgment, but she's her girlfriend. She's never seen her truly ugly side, besides in a dream. Even their disagreements last month had been nothing compared to the monster she is capable of being. ]
If she doesn't want anything to do with me, that's fine.
We have to think about what's good for her. Trying to convince her I'm a good person is only helping me, you know?
[ She'd love it if they could go back to being best friends who have fun with the literature club and all, but that's just not happening. Neither of them are the same people now. ]
You don't think it'd benefit her as well to know that it's not like she has to constantly fear you here?
[ There's different arguments Minako could use here. Arguments that lie so much more within her implicit trust of Monika. With her pride in how much Monika has tried to work on herself over the years.
But it's likely she wouldn't listen to them, Minako thinks. Not when Monika must be feeling crappy enough after that encounter in the first place. It feels better to address the more objective arguments. It might be the only way to convince her. ]
[ What a low blow. But she can't really disagree with her point here. Still... Maybe she should speak more openly about this with Minako. She already knows most of the details, but it can't hurt.
(It can and does hurt, but details) ]
You're right. But I don't know if that's even possible.
When I met her, she was suicidal. I'm the one person she confided in. And after the epiphany, I betrayed her. I used her own fears and insecurities against her, Minako. I was an absolute monster.
Then when the player deleted me, she experienced the epiphany too. It took me one year to break down totally and become a monster. It took her ten minutes. That's why I deleted her - and everyone else. So they wouldn't become like me.
I effectively killed her twice. And because I couldn't just play my role, she had to suffer the epiphany. There is no way she'll ever feel safe with me around.
There's an indication that Minako is typing for quite some time. ]
Look, Monika.. I won't absolve you for everything you did. I know you don't want me to.
[ Especially when some of the stuff just really is that bad. It doesn't change her love for Monika the way she knows the girl now, but the thought of her just coldly using someone else's suicidal feelings against them - it's a lot. It's like the Monika she saw in that twisted future, the one who would hollow out Minako just to keep her by her side.
She can't ever let Monika become that person again. ]
But I'm also reading parts of that story where you're blaming yourself for things you can't help. Your creators had just as much, if not much more, blame in this entire story than just you.
If she had the same epiphany you did, she must know that too. That you were all manipulated.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Not that she doesn't trust Minako's judgment, but she's her girlfriend. She's never seen her truly ugly side, besides in a dream. Even their disagreements last month had been nothing compared to the monster she is capable of being. ]
If she doesn't want anything to do with me, that's fine.
We have to think about what's good for her. Trying to convince her I'm a good person is only helping me, you know?
[ She'd love it if they could go back to being best friends who have fun with the literature club and all, but that's just not happening. Neither of them are the same people now. ]
no subject
[ There's different arguments Minako could use here. Arguments that lie so much more within her implicit trust of Monika. With her pride in how much Monika has tried to work on herself over the years.
But it's likely she wouldn't listen to them, Minako thinks. Not when Monika must be feeling crappy enough after that encounter in the first place. It feels better to address the more objective arguments. It might be the only way to convince her. ]
cw: mentions of suicidal ideation
(It can and does hurt, but details) ]
You're right. But I don't know if that's even possible.
When I met her, she was suicidal. I'm the one person she confided in. And after the epiphany, I betrayed her. I used her own fears and insecurities against her, Minako. I was an absolute monster.
Then when the player deleted me, she experienced the epiphany too. It took me one year to break down totally and become a monster. It took her ten minutes. That's why I deleted her - and everyone else. So they wouldn't become like me.
I effectively killed her twice. And because I couldn't just play my role, she had to suffer the epiphany. There is no way she'll ever feel safe with me around.
no subject
There's an indication that Minako is typing for quite some time. ]
Look, Monika.. I won't absolve you for everything you did. I know you don't want me to.
[ Especially when some of the stuff just really is that bad. It doesn't change her love for Monika the way she knows the girl now, but the thought of her just coldly using someone else's suicidal feelings against them - it's a lot. It's like the Monika she saw in that twisted future, the one who would hollow out Minako just to keep her by her side.
She can't ever let Monika become that person again. ]
But I'm also reading parts of that story where you're blaming yourself for things you can't help. Your creators had just as much, if not much more, blame in this entire story than just you.
If she had the same epiphany you did, she must know that too. That you were all manipulated.