[ Remove their inhibitions... She'd spare her the details in an attempt at some modesty... Monika blushed as she realized what she meant, but she nodded. It was in fact eerily similar to what she'd done to her friends before deleting them. She hadn't made Sayori depressed, she'd simply removed everything that kept her depression in check. She hadn't made Yuri obsessive, she'd just amplified her personality.
That said, something didn't seem right. And that was exactly what Kiara feared Monika would think. How was this anything that could bring about the end of the world? Following the visual novel example... Sure, people making sex-oriented stories could be very creative to find ways to make it so lust is somehow relevant in every aspect of the story. But the end of the world? That was pushing it.
Regardless, she didn't question her as the topic move onto her "rival." ]
Your nemesis may fit? Or perhaps your alter ego. [She pitched in when she mentioned rival was a word that fitted.] Well, for all we know I may never meet her. I haven't met half of the gembonded here.
[ Though she had a gut feeling she would meet her... Fate worked in strange ways. ]
So... What is she going to say that worries you? [She closed her eyes and smiled.] That you're the world's final boss?
No, not entirely. Obviously, as it's not something I prefer to go around telling people, but there's a bit more to it...
[Which is what she's struggling with now, that frown reappearing while she tries to figure out the best way to say this. Or to actually express her real concerns here.]
For most of my life, I have not had what would be considered close friends, and most of my friends have unfortunately become aware of this or at least part of this due to things like the bonfire or those unpleasant shadows last month. And perhaps fortunately, the two of us have managed to avoid experiencing those things together.
[She would prefer not to think of how that would've gone, given her shadow and what she can imagine Monika's may have been like.
But now to answer that question which is really perfect. “What is she going to say that worries you?” Because ultimately, it's not so much what Kama could say as it's her worries about what would result from that. A fact not lost on Kiara because it wasn't that long ago that she wouldn't give things like that a second thought. She could say that her contract with Chaldea has changed her, or that this world has changed her, but really, it's more the people she's met here. Not entirely renouncing her old ways, but there are thoughts and concerns and feelings she just didn't have too often before meeting such wonderful people.]
However because of that, you have an incomplete picture of me. And my main worry was that, should you meet her, you would hear disparaging and confusing things about me. And I suppose that it's only human to worry about what might happen then. That you might be hurt by what I hadn't been open about. Or that others knew and you did not. And that I would rather you hear from me instead of someone else. But these may be foolish concerns, as I've said I am a bit new to all of this.
[That frown turns to a slightly ashamed smile here, this is more or less new territory for her, so she is a bit embarrassed by her inexperience with this sort of situation. Though she supposes it isn't an entirely common one, so it's not like anyone could expect her to have much with it.]
[ She saw where Kiara was getting at. She was afraid Monika would be angry or hurt because she hadn't been told the entire truth, while other people had heard of it already. Well, had it been any other world, her fears may have been justified... It could be hurtful, realizing your best friend kept secrets from you and only you.
But she knew how this world had a way to force you to say the truth to people you would never ever wish to say anything. She probably wouldn't have told Kairi or Rena the truth, if not for having been caught crying. ]
I totally understand, don't worry. [She smiled.] I think of you as my best friend, you know? And I'll admit I am a bit of an overemotional mess, so your fears may have been partly justified... [A pause.] But it's normal for friends to keep secrets from each other, I think.
[ Even the closest of friends didn't share everything. Heck, even couples didn't. Of course, Monika preferred to know everything, but she knew it was just part of her problems. At the same time than she wanted to know everything, she also knew sometimes some things were best left unsaid. ]
I haven't told you everything either, because I feel so ashamed of it... And also because you haven't caught me crying and being harassed by my own shadow, ahaha! [An awkward laughter.] So don't you worry about it!
[ She smiled brightly after that. ]
If you ever want to reveal more, do it in your own time. Not because that person may sway my mind. She won't, I promise it.
That's quite kind of you. And that kindness very much extends from me to you as well. I realize that talking about these things can be quite difficult, perhaps I realize it more than most, so if you ever do wish to talk further about those things, I will always be able to listen. Regardless of what anyone else may say.
[More of a smile here, it's really quite nice having a friendship like this. Something she'd missed out on beforehand, though at times she wonders if that was really so bad. Perhaps she wouldn't have appreciated this as much if she'd had such bonds with others before coming to this world. Or maybe she would've, Kiara can't really say.]
And, assuming I can find the right words, I may speak with you further regarding my own past misdeeds.
[Unless of course this world takes that chance from her, but she's going to hope nothing like that happens again any time soon. She's had enough of it for now.]
[ Honestly she could quite easily imagine that Kiara's "world ending" antics could include a number of horrible things and of deaths. The Monika from before the epiphany would have struggled to accepting that, let alone be friend with such a person. But now she knew something most people never realize.
Monsters are humans. Sometimes, more human than most. ]
Please don't mention it. It's my pleasure to help a friend, you know?
[ She tilted her head to the side and smiled. ]
We're both in a better place than we were back on our homeworlds, aren't we? I think it's pretty amazing we've gone so far.
I would say so. Or at least I would like to think so. There are so many more opportunities for myself here. And for others too.
[Others being something she thinks about more and more these days. Not to the point where she's done any serious reflection or thought on that, but this is progress, surely. The fact that others are in her thoughts more often and the fact that she thinks about them irrespective of herself. Not always of course, but sometimes.]
And I find that every time we talk, I am quite thankful to have met you. As I said, I have not had many close friends, but this friendship is something I think I'll always treasure.
[It's good for both of them, and that's not an opinion she has so much as it seems to be quite obviously fact at this point.]
[ It was so strange, and nice, to have friends who hadn't been essentially chosen for her by creator. Of course, there was always the risk another existential crisis would undo all that progress... But Monika wanted to believe that even if someday Noctium would be revealed to be another simulated reality, she wouldn't behave the same way she had before.
She had learned from her mistakes. Or so she hoped. ]
Who knows, maybe you'll even manage to get along with that person— Kama was it? [She admittedly was curious to meet her now— Not to ask her questions about Kiara or anything like that, but just for the sake of curiosity in itself.] Right now it probably sounds totally impossible, but a couple months ago the idea of me talking with my best friend in my boyfriend's house would have sounded too good to be true. Who knows what'll be possible tomorrow?
Put that way, I suppose it's not entirely impossible. Though it would be...difficult. I do hope you wouldn't think less of me if things didn't turn out that way. Or less of her, for that matter.
[Like she told Flat, she doesn't hate Kama. She can't say she wouldn't necessarily enjoy her facing hardship or difficulties, to occasionally delight in others' misfortune is human, but there's no outright hatred here. And she won't go out of her way to cause her problems either. She thinks it would be quite nice if her counterpart could get along with people here too. In her own way of course.]
As you said though, we'll see what tomorrow brings.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
That said, something didn't seem right. And that was exactly what Kiara feared Monika would think. How was this anything that could bring about the end of the world? Following the visual novel example... Sure, people making sex-oriented stories could be very creative to find ways to make it so lust is somehow relevant in every aspect of the story. But the end of the world? That was pushing it.
Regardless, she didn't question her as the topic move onto her "rival." ]
Your nemesis may fit? Or perhaps your alter ego. [She pitched in when she mentioned rival was a word that fitted.] Well, for all we know I may never meet her. I haven't met half of the gembonded here.
[ Though she had a gut feeling she would meet her... Fate worked in strange ways. ]
So... What is she going to say that worries you? [She closed her eyes and smiled.] That you're the world's final boss?
no subject
[Which is what she's struggling with now, that frown reappearing while she tries to figure out the best way to say this. Or to actually express her real concerns here.]
For most of my life, I have not had what would be considered close friends, and most of my friends have unfortunately become aware of this or at least part of this due to things like the bonfire or those unpleasant shadows last month. And perhaps fortunately, the two of us have managed to avoid experiencing those things together.
[She would prefer not to think of how that would've gone, given her shadow and what she can imagine Monika's may have been like.
But now to answer that question which is really perfect. “What is she going to say that worries you?” Because ultimately, it's not so much what Kama could say as it's her worries about what would result from that. A fact not lost on Kiara because it wasn't that long ago that she wouldn't give things like that a second thought. She could say that her contract with Chaldea has changed her, or that this world has changed her, but really, it's more the people she's met here. Not entirely renouncing her old ways, but there are thoughts and concerns and feelings she just didn't have too often before meeting such wonderful people.]
However because of that, you have an incomplete picture of me. And my main worry was that, should you meet her, you would hear disparaging and confusing things about me. And I suppose that it's only human to worry about what might happen then. That you might be hurt by what I hadn't been open about. Or that others knew and you did not. And that I would rather you hear from me instead of someone else. But these may be foolish concerns, as I've said I am a bit new to all of this.
[That frown turns to a slightly ashamed smile here, this is more or less new territory for her, so she is a bit embarrassed by her inexperience with this sort of situation. Though she supposes it isn't an entirely common one, so it's not like anyone could expect her to have much with it.]
no subject
But she knew how this world had a way to force you to say the truth to people you would never ever wish to say anything. She probably wouldn't have told Kairi or Rena the truth, if not for having been caught crying. ]
I totally understand, don't worry. [She smiled.] I think of you as my best friend, you know? And I'll admit I am a bit of an overemotional mess, so your fears may have been partly justified... [A pause.] But it's normal for friends to keep secrets from each other, I think.
[ Even the closest of friends didn't share everything. Heck, even couples didn't. Of course, Monika preferred to know everything, but she knew it was just part of her problems. At the same time than she wanted to know everything, she also knew sometimes some things were best left unsaid. ]
I haven't told you everything either, because I feel so ashamed of it... And also because you haven't caught me crying and being harassed by my own shadow, ahaha! [An awkward laughter.] So don't you worry about it!
[ She smiled brightly after that. ]
If you ever want to reveal more, do it in your own time. Not because that person may sway my mind. She won't, I promise it.
no subject
[More of a smile here, it's really quite nice having a friendship like this. Something she'd missed out on beforehand, though at times she wonders if that was really so bad. Perhaps she wouldn't have appreciated this as much if she'd had such bonds with others before coming to this world. Or maybe she would've, Kiara can't really say.]
And, assuming I can find the right words, I may speak with you further regarding my own past misdeeds.
[Unless of course this world takes that chance from her, but she's going to hope nothing like that happens again any time soon. She's had enough of it for now.]
And of course, thank you for hearing my concerns.
no subject
[ Honestly she could quite easily imagine that Kiara's "world ending" antics could include a number of horrible things and of deaths. The Monika from before the epiphany would have struggled to accepting that, let alone be friend with such a person. But now she knew something most people never realize.
Monsters are humans. Sometimes, more human than most. ]
Please don't mention it. It's my pleasure to help a friend, you know?
[ She tilted her head to the side and smiled. ]
We're both in a better place than we were back on our homeworlds, aren't we? I think it's pretty amazing we've gone so far.
no subject
[Others being something she thinks about more and more these days. Not to the point where she's done any serious reflection or thought on that, but this is progress, surely. The fact that others are in her thoughts more often and the fact that she thinks about them irrespective of herself. Not always of course, but sometimes.]
And I find that every time we talk, I am quite thankful to have met you. As I said, I have not had many close friends, but this friendship is something I think I'll always treasure.
[It's good for both of them, and that's not an opinion she has so much as it seems to be quite obviously fact at this point.]
So yes, it all really is quite amazing.
no subject
[ It was so strange, and nice, to have friends who hadn't been essentially chosen for her by creator. Of course, there was always the risk another existential crisis would undo all that progress... But Monika wanted to believe that even if someday Noctium would be revealed to be another simulated reality, she wouldn't behave the same way she had before.
She had learned from her mistakes. Or so she hoped. ]
Who knows, maybe you'll even manage to get along with that person— Kama was it? [She admittedly was curious to meet her now— Not to ask her questions about Kiara or anything like that, but just for the sake of curiosity in itself.] Right now it probably sounds totally impossible, but a couple months ago the idea of me talking with my best friend in my boyfriend's house would have sounded too good to be true. Who knows what'll be possible tomorrow?
no subject
[Like she told Flat, she doesn't hate Kama. She can't say she wouldn't necessarily enjoy her facing hardship or difficulties, to occasionally delight in others' misfortune is human, but there's no outright hatred here. And she won't go out of her way to cause her problems either. She thinks it would be quite nice if her counterpart could get along with people here too. In her own way of course.]
As you said though, we'll see what tomorrow brings.