I hardly can believe she approached me like that either. And in the meantime, I may have only manipulated her more. I disguised myself as somebody she knew so that I could at least guide her into learning the truth of what happened. She deserved to know who I was. I didn't know what else to do.
I don't know how this will go. We're going to rebuild little by little, at our own pace. And I won't lie to her or hurt her ever again.
You eased her into learning the truth. "Manipulation" comes with a negative connotation. It implies your intent was to take advantage of her, which is not true. And in turns it reinforces your belief that you are a bad person. So, no using that word okay? I know it sounds silly, but it's very important. Using positive words to describe our actions is the first step to accepting and loving ourselves.
I'm sure you two will understand each other. It may be a slow process, but beautiful stories all take time to be written.
I... hope she sees it that way. I think as much as that, I just wanted to be with her again, for a little while. Once I acted on that impulse I couldn't take it back. I had to make the best of it. I really did want to help her, though.
Is it strange to say that I wish she was angrier at me?
I don't think it's that strange... If my friends were taken to this world, I hope they'd be angry at me. But that's because I think I deserve their resentment and anger. Even if they do forgive me and see the good person in me...I'm the one who can't forgive myself. It's the same with you. The anger you wish Jessica would show is what you think you deserve.
We're our own worse enemies. Or something like that.
Even if the entire world accepts and forgives you, nothing will change if you can't accept and forgive yourself. I think it's something you should speak of with Jessica, when you'll both be ready.
It feels like otherwise I'm getting something I shouldn't have. Or that some point down the line, some dam will burst and she'll truly reject me. It all feels so unreal.
There's some part of me that loved being the witch. Ruling over all of those endless stories, having everybody in the palm of my hand. I still do. But the human part of me has such a hard time forgiving that. Sometimes I really don't understand who I am at all.
But I love her and she loves me. I'd always prayed for a possibility like this. So I want to accept this as fully as I can.
Hey, you can be a powerful witch who reigns over her realm and be a human at once. You don't have to give up on your power fantasies, you know? With love, you may weave a lot of new stories that won't hurt anyone.
If you just focus on that love you both feel, I think everything will work out.
They say "love is blind," but I don't think that's it. I think it's more accurate to say love allows us to see things and people in unique ways. Let her understand who you are, and perhaps you'll end up understanding yourself.
Perhaps. But there's so much in me that is cruel. But there are things that cannot be seen without love. I want to see more of them.
I don't even know if she really wants to be with me the way I want to be with her. After what I did, and we even share the same blood, too. But I can't stop my heart burning for her. I want to be with her so bad.
Well, it's my understanding you never knew you shared the same blood for most of your lives, right? So I don't think it really matters.
My opinion is that you should pursue that love, no matter what. That is what matters. If she says no, that's that. But she hasn't so far, you don't know what the future is made of.
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text | un: un.owen
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I never doubted you'd manage it. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for (^_^)
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I don't know how this will go. We're going to rebuild little by little, at our own pace. And I won't lie to her or hurt her ever again.
no subject
I'm sure you two will understand each other. It may be a slow process, but beautiful stories all take time to be written.
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Is it strange to say that I wish she was angrier at me?
no subject
We're our own worse enemies. Or something like that.
Even if the entire world accepts and forgives you, nothing will change if you can't accept and forgive yourself. I think it's something you should speak of with Jessica, when you'll both be ready.
no subject
There's some part of me that loved being the witch. Ruling over all of those endless stories, having everybody in the palm of my hand. I still do. But the human part of me has such a hard time forgiving that. Sometimes I really don't understand who I am at all.
But I love her and she loves me. I'd always prayed for a possibility like this. So I want to accept this as fully as I can.
no subject
If you just focus on that love you both feel, I think everything will work out.
They say "love is blind," but I don't think that's it. I think it's more accurate to say love allows us to see things and people in unique ways. Let her understand who you are, and perhaps you'll end up understanding yourself.
cw: incest
I don't even know if she really wants to be with me the way I want to be with her. After what I did, and we even share the same blood, too. But I can't stop my heart burning for her. I want to be with her so bad.
no subject
My opinion is that you should pursue that love, no matter what. That is what matters. If she says no, that's that. But she hasn't so far, you don't know what the future is made of.