[ She hadn't really planned to speak of that, but... This reply comes in several minutes late, too. ]
I took my own life, after a fashion. The situation in my homeworld had reached a point where things were truly hopeless. I didn't see any point in continuing there was no hope of things ever getting better.
[ And immediately after: ]
Please don't worry, I'm not suicidal. When I say things were hopeless, I do mean it. If anything, I want to believe I lasted longer than most people would have.
[ A minute passes and then two, Eustace gazing at the wall in front of him, eyes sightless as he thinks about Monika's reply. Even if the subject of death is nothing new to him, it's a heavy topic nonetheless. ]
I'm sorry.
[ For leading the discussion down this path, for prompting her to explain this to someone she's known for a handful of months. For many things, but mostly for having to suffer through an existence full of emptiness and despair. ]
Understandable that you wouldn't want to go back then. Have you talked to your boyfriend about your worries?
I have, yes. He's such a sweetheart, he's doing everything he can to comfort and reassure me. But there's little he, or anyone, can do.
[ A pause after that message. ]
And that's a bit terrifying.
[ Like she'd told him: she wasn't suicidal. Now that she knew what the real world was like and had a taste of happiness, she would fight tooth and nail to never go back and remain alive. ]
[ If she's talked to her boyfriend about it, then there's not much else he can do or say. He has about as much power as anyone else does in this situation (which is to say: very little) and he's never been the type of person to offer false hope or make promises he can't keep.
Still. It's frustrating to be able to do so little. ]
If I hear anything new I'll let you know.
[ And then, a minute later: ]
If you need a distraction, I can also bring the dogs over.
Ahaha! If you ever have time, sure! I definitely should get them a bone or something, they were such good boys last time I saw them.
[ The change of subject was a good thing-- It was getting hard not to be overly emotional when literally her everything was at stake. That and the offer was super-welcome and really, she should consider getting her own doggo sometimes. They were so affectionate... ]
If you want, you could come later today. The shop is closed for the week... I had two new friends who worked there, but they have disappeared. I guess they're back in their homeworld and safe.
[ Yeah, she'd forgotten to mention that. Because obviously, things could always get worse. ]
With the current events, it's hard to find gems willing to take their jobs... But I should have someone by next week. Till then I'm working at home, little old me isn't enough to run the shop and I can't ask my boyfriend to do three person's jobs, ahaha!
[ Ah....he's had friends come and go, and while such a thing gets easier over time, he can't say it's ever truly easy. It must be even less easy when said friends were helping out and offering support in other ways.
Given everything happening at the moment, the bookstore will probably be fine for a few more weeks. But after that... ]
I'll help. Though I'm better at organizing and restocking than interacting with customers.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Do you remember dying? Or did someone tell you?
cw: suicide
I took my own life, after a fashion. The situation in my homeworld had reached a point where things were truly hopeless. I didn't see any point in continuing there was no hope of things ever getting better.
[ And immediately after: ]
Please don't worry, I'm not suicidal. When I say things were hopeless, I do mean it. If anything, I want to believe I lasted longer than most people would have.
no subject
I'm sorry.
[ For leading the discussion down this path, for prompting her to explain this to someone she's known for a handful of months. For many things, but mostly for having to suffer through an existence full of emptiness and despair. ]
Understandable that you wouldn't want to go back then. Have you talked to your boyfriend about your worries?
no subject
[ A pause after that message. ]
And that's a bit terrifying.
[ Like she'd told him: she wasn't suicidal. Now that she knew what the real world was like and had a taste of happiness, she would fight tooth and nail to never go back and remain alive. ]
no subject
Still. It's frustrating to be able to do so little. ]
If I hear anything new I'll let you know.
[ And then, a minute later: ]
If you need a distraction, I can also bring the dogs over.
no subject
[ The change of subject was a good thing-- It was getting hard not to be overly emotional when literally her everything was at stake. That and the offer was super-welcome and really, she should consider getting her own doggo sometimes. They were so affectionate... ]
no subject
[ Too much time....half a year spent in this place and he still hasn't gotten a job. Truly he's turning in a bum. ]
Just name a time and I can bring them over.
no subject
[ Yeah, she'd forgotten to mention that. Because obviously, things could always get worse. ]
With the current events, it's hard to find gems willing to take their jobs... But I should have someone by next week. Till then I'm working at home, little old me isn't enough to run the shop and I can't ask my boyfriend to do three person's jobs, ahaha!
no subject
Given everything happening at the moment, the bookstore will probably be fine for a few more weeks. But after that... ]
I'll help. Though I'm better at organizing and restocking than interacting with customers.
[ But she probably knows that much by now. ]
no subject
No, don't worry about it. I'll be fine really.
Just bring the doggos when you have time, okie?
no subject
[ He ain't gonna push if that's how it really is. ]
But if you do need the extra help at some point, just let me know. I have time on my hands.
no subject
Guess I really did succeed in befriending you, ahaha!
[ Why, she'd rather end this conversation on a teasing note than on a downer. ]