I see... So you're like an aspect of her, amplified by human legends and beliefs.
[ She wasn't sure she understood everything really... But that was the short of it, right? That sounded horrible. But being someone who shouldn't exist-- That she could relate to. ]
I shouldn't exist either, you know? Well, the circumstances behind our creations couldn't be any more different... [Literally.] I'm little more than an AI from some cheesy video game. A character in a book, ink on paper given physical form. [She smiled sadly.] But just because I shouldn't exist doesn't mean I'll give up. I do exist. I don't care if I wasn't supposed to be more than a side character in someone else's story. I'll write my happy ending, no matter what.
[ She looked back up at him through the device. ]
And if I can do it, so can you. [She smiled.] If someone whose existence is as faint as me can do it, then surely you can.
It's not as if I'm trying to make an excuse... [ Like he said, it was more just context. ]
I think what's closer to the truth is I don't... really know what I am, if not what I'm a reflection of.
[ And that felt... like too much to really move past. If it was even worthwhile to do so at all, in a world he would no doubt leave, at some point, back to Chaldea, or back to not existing at all... ]
Cogito, ergo sum. [She replied nigh immediately.] I think, therefore I am. You probably heard this before, it's from Descartes. You cannot doubt your own existence while you doubt it, because the very act of thinking is proof of your existence.
[ It was something she had thought of a lot. And truth to be told, she wasn't quite sure about her own existence... But it was easier when it came to reassuring others. Gosh, she was such a pushover. She should be mad at him, and yet his story managed to make it impossible for her to be so. ]
Even if you ceased to be a reflection of Obunaga, you would still be. The fact we're having this discussion at all shows you've already become more than a reflection.
No matter how that ends up panning out, though, I know I hurt you. And... I want to make it up to you. I have for awhile, now...
[ He didn't know if he could ultimately become something beyond what his Saint Graph designated him to be, but he did know that he felt that need, still, to make peace... whether it was for selfishness or for honor didn't really matter any longer, now that they were talking again. ]
I'm not sure either... [She paused.] But how can I stay mad after hearing all that?
[ She felt like such a pushover for saying that after the harm he had caused her. But that was true, how could she stay mad? He'd admired his faults, apologized for them... Now all that remained to be done was-- ]
Work on yourself, alright? If I can change— You can too. [A deep breath.] And if you can't, then there's no hope for one such as me.
[ "There's no hope for one such as me"... honestly, putting it like that made things feel like there was a stake worth paying attention to. In truth, as if his self-destructive behavior hadn't made it more clear, Kipposhi couldn't really say he cared much if the world saw him only as a monster, but...
... But Monika wasn't. She deserved all those chances to be something more. For her sake... ]
... I can try. I can't promise it will be good, or even worthwhile. But... I can't hurt someone I care about, again... not like that...
We both got a lot of work to do on ourselves, huh?
[ He wasn't alone, but unlike him? She cared very much for how the world saw her. She didn't want to be a monster... Even though she couldn't help but see herself as one. ]
Just be the best "you" that you can. [She smiled weakly.] I got a girlfriend now, you know...? What you did— It hurt for a long while, but it would take so much more than that to kill my hopes for a happy ending. [A deep breath and then--] So I guess what I'm saying, is that I forgive you. Long as you keep on doing your best.
[ Was it the fact she was bisexual? Or the fact she had found love at all? Regardless, she reveled in having proven wrong all the people who had thought her happy ending out of reach. Well, he wasn't one such person, but it was satisfying all the same for different reasons. ]
[ Four months was very long from her point of view. But details. ]
To be entirely honest, what's happened between us made it... Very hard for me to make my declaration. I was far more hesitant than I would normally have been. [A pause.] But I suppose I ought to thank you, for I am sure I confessed to the right person with this wait.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ There was no need to hide it. ]
I see... So you're like an aspect of her, amplified by human legends and beliefs.
[ She wasn't sure she understood everything really... But that was the short of it, right? That sounded horrible. But being someone who shouldn't exist-- That she could relate to. ]
I shouldn't exist either, you know? Well, the circumstances behind our creations couldn't be any more different... [Literally.] I'm little more than an AI from some cheesy video game. A character in a book, ink on paper given physical form. [She smiled sadly.] But just because I shouldn't exist doesn't mean I'll give up. I do exist. I don't care if I wasn't supposed to be more than a side character in someone else's story. I'll write my happy ending, no matter what.
[ She looked back up at him through the device. ]
And if I can do it, so can you. [She smiled.] If someone whose existence is as faint as me can do it, then surely you can.
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I think what's closer to the truth is I don't... really know what I am, if not what I'm a reflection of.
[ And that felt... like too much to really move past. If it was even worthwhile to do so at all, in a world he would no doubt leave, at some point, back to Chaldea, or back to not existing at all... ]
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[ It was something she had thought of a lot. And truth to be told, she wasn't quite sure about her own existence... But it was easier when it came to reassuring others. Gosh, she was such a pushover. She should be mad at him, and yet his story managed to make it impossible for her to be so. ]
Even if you ceased to be a reflection of Obunaga, you would still be. The fact we're having this discussion at all shows you've already become more than a reflection.
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No matter how that ends up panning out, though, I know I hurt you. And... I want to make it up to you. I have for awhile, now...
[ He didn't know if he could ultimately become something beyond what his Saint Graph designated him to be, but he did know that he felt that need, still, to make peace... whether it was for selfishness or for honor didn't really matter any longer, now that they were talking again. ]
Not sure how to do that, but I know I want to.
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[ She felt like such a pushover for saying that after the harm he had caused her. But that was true, how could she stay mad? He'd admired his faults, apologized for them... Now all that remained to be done was-- ]
Work on yourself, alright? If I can change— You can too. [A deep breath.] And if you can't, then there's no hope for one such as me.
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... But Monika wasn't. She deserved all those chances to be something more. For her sake... ]
... I can try. I can't promise it will be good, or even worthwhile. But... I can't hurt someone I care about, again... not like that...
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[ He wasn't alone, but unlike him? She cared very much for how the world saw her. She didn't want to be a monster... Even though she couldn't help but see herself as one. ]
Just be the best "you" that you can. [She smiled weakly.] I got a girlfriend now, you know...? What you did— It hurt for a long while, but it would take so much more than that to kill my hopes for a happy ending. [A deep breath and then--] So I guess what I'm saying, is that I forgive you. Long as you keep on doing your best.
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[ Yeah, all the rest of that was good, but Kipposhi, ever himself even beneath all those 'masks' of his, he has to hone in on one particular thing. ]
You got a girlfriend?!
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[ Was it the fact she was bisexual? Or the fact she had found love at all? Regardless, she reveled in having proven wrong all the people who had thought her happy ending out of reach. Well, he wasn't one such person, but it was satisfying all the same for different reasons. ]
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[ He can't help it. There's a jot in his face, a smile that burns a little too earnestly. ]
Dude, that's awesome! I'm really happy for you!
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[ Four months was very long from her point of view. But details. ]
To be entirely honest, what's happened between us made it... Very hard for me to make my declaration. I was far more hesitant than I would normally have been. [A pause.] But I suppose I ought to thank you, for I am sure I confessed to the right person with this wait.
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I'm... really happy for you, though. I mean it.
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And, um... [A pause.] You take care of yourself, alright?