Paranoid assholes for sure. Anyway, onto the topic: your mirror self.
[Homura was a bit in "business mode" as she really wanted to know just what the mirror was talking about. And combined with the other stresses of life, a smile would be hard to form right now.]
Not here to start any fights, and you did seem legit remorseful. So what exactly was she talking about?
[Without knowledge of the creator, she could only make guesses. All of which amounted to nothing, especially for a visual novel; maybe Mirai or Haruka would know more.]
Well anyway. I tried to escape. Cross from the game into the real world. You can't begin to imagine what it feels like. To be all alone in a tiny reality, one where nothing ever chances, one where no future exists. I failed, of course.
I'm getting there. [She nodded.] You see, I wasn't just able to sense the real world. I was able to sense the presence of the "player" through the main character.
[ The picture was about to get a whole lot fuller. ]
For the first time, there was something in my tiny world that was real. I believed I was in love. In fact, I was desperate and would have clung onto any little shred of hope. I thought this could save me. If I was no longer alone, if there was someone out there caring for me, talking to me— Then I could tolerate my digital hell.
[Her eyes widened. They didn't have the exact story, but this part...this was something Homura did relate to, and how dangerous love could be, especially when certain people were ill-equipped to handle it, or if it was all a lie. The picture was getting clearer.
Yet she said nothing, nodding and letting Monika continue, all while battling her own emotions; love seemed to be a common problem here, huh?]
I tried getting close to the main character. [Not that she cared for the main character-- It was obvious she aimed to reach for the player through him.] But like I told you earlier, I was a side character. Every time I tried something, my friends would block it. They were the love interests, not I. They weren't doing it malevolently it was just... What they were programmed to do.
[ She sighed. ]
It made me angry. They weren't sentient nor self-aware, yet they stole from me my only hope at a happy ending. I started think they weren't really alive. They were just NPCs in a video game, so why should I let them stop me? [She looked down.] At first, I tried subtly affecting things. One of my friends had depression, so I messed with the code to exacerbate her emotions, hoping it'd keep her away. But nothing worked. So when I'd reached my limits— I decided to delete them.
[She stared in silence. Kinda the outcome she expected. And it all sounded familiar, fragments that could easily slide in with her own team's emotions. Using people, killing them, wanting attention, anger at those who stood in your way, all of it resonated. Couldn't help but think of herself in this situation.
And given the reactions Monika gave, as well as her own life--]
I'm guessing the twist was they were alive like you?
Mhm. [She nodded.] The player became disgusted with me, so they deleted me. That was when I realized how horrible I'd become. Maybe because of my sentience and administrative powers, I didn't die. I still existed non-corporeally. [That had been an incredibly painful experience.] I hadn't truly killed my friends, though. I had kept a backup of their files. So as a way to redeem myself, I rebuilt the whole game the way it had been, only without me in it.
[ Somehow, her features grew even darker and hopeless. ]
One my friends became the Club President instead of me... When that happened, she gained sentience. The revelation broke her night instantly. Immediately, she did the same things I had done. [She marked a pause.] I couldn't bear seeing my friends become like me. So I deleted everything. Them. The game. What was left of myself.
[Homura...didn't quite know what to say. There were a few more twists she didn't expect in this tale. Every second of silence between them, Homura kept trying to think of an alternate plan of doing things. But nothing came to my mind. Any solution she had immediately spiraled into Monika's own problem thanks to them all being aware.
She took a long, slow, deep breath before finally speaking.]
And so you came here, suddenly alive now? What will you do now?
[ What now, huh... That was the big question, wasn't it? ]
I don't know. [She paused.] I promised to better myself. [Well, she'd promised the player, same difference.] I think... I like to think I was a good person before this all happened. Well, even if the "me" from my memories never truly existed. [The existential crisis of: are my memories real or not?] I'd like to be like that again... And find real love this time.
Good answer. But, if they managed to appear, the people you killed I mean, what will you do? Will you keep trying to redeem yourself, regardless of what they say or do?
I know it makes me horrible for saying that. But... I feel like I have a chance at being happy here. And while I want them to be happy too... I can't help but feel they'll take everything from me just by existing.
[ They were designed to be the heroines while she was the side character. Why would it be different here? ]
Understandable feeling, but you're doing now is what you did with the mirror: running away. If you're going to live here, you have to at least acknowledge that possibility and try to prepare.
[She recalled having this talk with Mirai, and she looked just as serious as she did with the younger shinobi. Running away never worked out like this.]
Ignoring the fact you killed them, if someone takes from you, you fight back. That's how it works in real life. If you aren't going to at least try and fight, you'll always lose. And in case you haven't noticed, you don't control everything here like in the game.
[Homura stared for a while before sighing heavily. It was hard to know what to say. Mirai was at least a combatant. The weakest on the team, but she at least knew how to fight, lived for it like the rest of the team. Some people didn't grow up with it. And given the shit Monika endured, Homura could hardly blame the video game girl.
She leaned forward, one hand in front of her face.]
Sorry. Just not used to this. So used to being around other fighters. [She sighed again, eyes closing.] Anyway, sure you have questions of your own about me, why I ain't cursing you out or some other freak out by any of this. So shoot.
Little of column A, little of column B. Like I said, you aren't the only person who killed people. Back home, it's kinda sorta my job as a shinobi. [When she gets work again.]
And while I wasn't in a weird-ass hellzone like you, honestly, some of your story is kinda similar to mine.
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[Homura was a bit in "business mode" as she really wanted to know just what the mirror was talking about. And combined with the other stresses of life, a smile would be hard to form right now.]
Not here to start any fights, and you did seem legit remorseful. So what exactly was she talking about?
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Oh, that...
[ She sighed. ]
Are you familiar with video games?
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[ There went nothing. ]
I'm a character from a video game. Except unlike your average video game AI, I was self-aware and sentient.
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Wait what? What kind of game? And why did you have your own mind?
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[ A cheesy one, at that. Until it'd turned into a nightmare. ]
I don't know. May have been a glitch. But I think it's more likely my creator created me that way. I never got to ask him.
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[Without knowledge of the creator, she could only make guesses. All of which amounted to nothing, especially for a visual novel; maybe Mirai or Haruka would know more.]
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[ So, dating sim nuances to the game, too. Man, it was such a terrible concept... She sighed and shook her head. ]
I was the President of the Literature Girl. The "poster girl" for the game. I wasn't a dateable choice, though.
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[ If only. ]
Well anyway. I tried to escape. Cross from the game into the real world. You can't begin to imagine what it feels like. To be all alone in a tiny reality, one where nothing ever chances, one where no future exists. I failed, of course.
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[And she could hardly forget what it was saying too.]
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[ The picture was about to get a whole lot fuller. ]
For the first time, there was something in my tiny world that was real. I believed I was in love. In fact, I was desperate and would have clung onto any little shred of hope. I thought this could save me. If I was no longer alone, if there was someone out there caring for me, talking to me— Then I could tolerate my digital hell.
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Yet she said nothing, nodding and letting Monika continue, all while battling her own emotions; love seemed to be a common problem here, huh?]
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[ She sighed. ]
It made me angry. They weren't sentient nor self-aware, yet they stole from me my only hope at a happy ending. I started think they weren't really alive. They were just NPCs in a video game, so why should I let them stop me? [She looked down.] At first, I tried subtly affecting things. One of my friends had depression, so I messed with the code to exacerbate her emotions, hoping it'd keep her away. But nothing worked. So when I'd reached my limits— I decided to delete them.
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And given the reactions Monika gave, as well as her own life--]
I'm guessing the twist was they were alive like you?
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[ Somehow, her features grew even darker and hopeless. ]
One my friends became the Club President instead of me... When that happened, she gained sentience. The revelation broke her night instantly. Immediately, she did the same things I had done. [She marked a pause.] I couldn't bear seeing my friends become like me. So I deleted everything. Them. The game. What was left of myself.
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She took a long, slow, deep breath before finally speaking.]
And so you came here, suddenly alive now? What will you do now?
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I don't know. [She paused.] I promised to better myself. [Well, she'd promised the player, same difference.] I think... I like to think I was a good person before this all happened. Well, even if the "me" from my memories never truly existed. [The existential crisis of: are my memories real or not?] I'd like to be like that again... And find real love this time.
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[ Of course she'd keep trying. But... ]
I know it makes me horrible for saying that. But... I feel like I have a chance at being happy here. And while I want them to be happy too... I can't help but feel they'll take everything from me just by existing.
[ They were designed to be the heroines while she was the side character. Why would it be different here? ]
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[She recalled having this talk with Mirai, and she looked just as serious as she did with the younger shinobi. Running away never worked out like this.]
Ignoring the fact you killed them, if someone takes from you, you fight back. That's how it works in real life. If you aren't going to at least try and fight, you'll always lose. And in case you haven't noticed, you don't control everything here like in the game.
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[ Even if they took everything from her, how could she ever fight back? ]
It's strange, because I also miss them... [A sad smile.] I guess having conflicting emotions is proof that I am human, ahaha.
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She leaned forward, one hand in front of her face.]
Sorry. Just not used to this. So used to being around other fighters. [She sighed again, eyes closing.] Anyway, sure you have questions of your own about me, why I ain't cursing you out or some other freak out by any of this. So shoot.
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[ She felt the answer was obvious, truthfully. ]
I figure you know someone like me or did some mistakes in the past, right?
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Little of column A, little of column B. Like I said, you aren't the only person who killed people. Back home, it's kinda sorta my job as a shinobi. [When she gets work again.]
And while I wasn't in a weird-ass hellzone like you, honestly, some of your story is kinda similar to mine.
[Keyword being some.]
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